The Idea of Being a Woman
For centuries, women have been fighting for more representation and equality in society. The reason for this fight is gender norms and biases that make it difficult for women to be an integral part of the community in general. This is also due to the preconceived notion that, being a woman, we must adhere to the preconceived idea about how society defines women. The bullet points in the checklist of “Being an Ideal Women” include ‘Looks’, ‘Kitchen’, ‘Marriage’, ‘Motherhood’, and ‘Career’. However, the definition of these words is derived from social norms and traditions outside of us and not within us. Therefore, the question upon our “being” is inexorable. Does the society that has defined these gender norms even consider women as human beings?
If not, why have we distinguished women’s rights from human rights?
Women’s fight for justice has been long and overbearing. It started in the 1800s and continues. Even after adopting the Universal Declaration of Human Rights in 1948, we see that resolutions were passed to strengthen women’s rights and take down any hurdles that help us achieve equality. Although the fight continues, we see that International Women’s Day reasserts women’s objectification. On this day we see discussions on increasing women’s role in business, leadership, tech and other fields. Most of the discussion is brought about with the preconceived notion that women need help and support to enter these male dominated fields. On this day, as women continue to be portrayed as submissive, voiceless, and powerless, promoting gender-stereotypes. Some hightlight the fact that woman’s roles is important to enrich the country’s economy — reinstalling objectification of woman as it has always been. There are still fewer voices that say that women and girls are not commodities or objects and must be treated as human beings with equal rights to men. As long as women’s rights will be treated as exclusive of human rights, there will always be an issue.
On reading this, you might still disagree with me on the claim that we have failed as a society to treat women just as any other human being. However, you cannot dispute that there are still prevalent age-old rituals that reflect social patriarchy that remains unchanged. One of such rituals is that of ‘Kanyadaan’ (meaning ‘gifting the daughter’) that is still practiced in weddings today.
Kanyadan — “Father, will you gift me away?!”
It might be true that during the Vedic period, girls were married off even before they reached puberty. This was when a ritual like ‘Kanyadaan’ was introduced where a female child was considered a commodity and passed on from the father’s hands to the husband. This reasserts the objectification of women in our society.
However, what is the root cause of this objectification?
Popular history reminds us that we have always been in war. During the time of military tussle, muscle power was considered dominant and a way of power assertion. Violence against women also became very prevalent in society leading to extremist patriarchal culture, extra publicity of sexually implicit content in our society, deviant sexual practices, poor parenting, cognitive and attitudinal bias, and sadism. As a result of the continued culture, even today, when a woman wants to travel to a place for work, the parents become extra cautious about sending the girl because they are protective about her safety.
The fact remains that parents always remain extra-involved and over-protective, especially for a girl child. When parents are over-involved, their excessive control over how their daughter should behave, act and respond. Parents and society at large determine whether the characteristics of the girl/woman fits into the gender norm that the society has defined for them. The society provides few opportunities for the daughter to self-reflect and have her positive thoughts and feelings. In both cases, the development of self-confidence and self-esteem is compromised. As a result, women try to measure themselves on the scale of ideal women. They seek approval, try to fit themselves in a predefined mold of what the world thinks about them and even accept their objectification.
Need for Awareness and Training for Men and Parents on International Women’s Day
On international women’s day, we see dialogues and talks happen on “Women in Business”, “Women in Agriculture”, “Women in Tech”, reasserting the norm that women need help. Instead, we must understand that the lowering of women’s self-esteem is mainly due to wrong and over-protective parenting, and often because the society we live in doesn’t groom men to be responsible, supportive, caring, and empathetic towards woman other than their sisters and mother. Also, the Gandharis are equally responsible for producing a Duryodhana as mush as Dhritarathra (Reference to Mahabharat).
Therefore, on women’s day, there is a need to sensitize men and even parents’ on issues such as the one discussed. It must also be made clear that women need to speak up against injustice in the own households, emerging victorious and regaining their self-esteem and lost confidence. We must remember that one common thread that runs through all of us women, one thing that defines us is our strength and our courage to overcome and discover our true “being.”
“Ten years ago, I thought looking like a woman defined womanhood. Today, sweating it out on my cycle, I feel like a woman. When my eyes well out in the movie theatres, I am a woman. If a man makes way for me out of respect, it reminds me that I am a woman. And when I am traveling alone late at night with the fear of rape — that too reminds me that I am a woman. When I finish writing an intense scene between two male characters, then too, I am a woman. When my mother gives me her clothes and my father gives me his sports shoes … I don’t care about the scale of womanhood because I am a woman.”
Having a risk-taking attitude
In the article, “It’s about being in business, not being ‘women in business’”,I had highlighted the qualities that women need to thrive as leaders. I want to add to the context that a woman needs to trade her comfort zone for her danger zone and thereby take away the fear of failure. Always remember that overthinking, people-pleasing, and perfectionism typically kick in, effectively grinding her confidence to a halt!
As a society, we must take a moment to reflect why do we not look at woman as just another human-being, why do we not sensitize men on the topic of gender norms and cognitive biases that make it difficult for woman.
As woman, we need to know that there is no such thing as being an“ideal women”, because just being yourself defines womanhood. :)
